Mouse hunt

When I returned home from a very enjoyable evening at the FT's (a lovely meal and games with friends) I reset the mouse trap and, within ten minutes caught my fifth mouse in two days.  I think there's a family of them squatting in my kitchen somewhere - lets see what tomorrow brings.  Cheddar seems to do the trick.  Woke up at 3.00 am to the muffled sound of the snap of the mouse trap - sadly I caught my sixth mouse.  I tried humane traps but the little fellas just walked in and took the grub and then walked out again.

Visitation

Yesterday, Andy my old school pal came over - which was really great.  It's probably been seven years since we last met up and there was a lot of catching up to do.  Over a takeaway curry we talked about what had happened to both of us over the years - how things have changed.  We talked about Christine, William, Ben, Emma, Andy's new life and his hopes for the future.  I'm really pleased for Andy - a great adventure awaits him.

When he left on Sunday the house felt empty and I wanted to up date Christine - she would have been overjoyed.   Enjoyable events/visits like this seem to open a door - a chink in my armour, and a feeling of overwhelming sadness for Christine's pain and an immense feeling of longing floods in.  I talk to Christine all the time.

I've been doing some paintings based upon my holiday in Snowdonia, at the same time I've been listening to 'The Odessey' on CD.  It's a version of the story adapted by Simon Armitage which Chris loved and we'd listen to in the car.   It's beautifully written - it's a story full of human emotion, love, passion, fear, anger, arrogance and more.  The ending when Odysseus comes home, slays Penelope's suitors and Penelope begins to realises who he is when he describes how he constructed the marital bed from a giant olive tree, is just magnificent.  I cry as I listen to the ending and remember how Christine used to explain the story to me and how she opened up my mind to it's beauty.  She gave me such a lot and I am really blessed to have had her my life.

Yesterday

Yesterday, Jane, Richard and mum came down for the day - which was lovely.  I think Jane felt I needed a bit of TLC.  My heel wasn't getting better (worse in fact) and I couldn't put my weight or walk on it properly.  So following advice I went to A and E who sent me off to Orthopaedic.  I've now got a strap-on splint to wear for three weeks to keep it still and take the weight off it.

I started my new job last week, now I've got three weeks off sick (they were very good about it). The kitchen strip light is broken I tried a new tube and starter - still no joy.  Got myself a new light but can't stand safely at the moment to replace it!

But on the positive side - when I get through this year I think I'll be able to cope with anything.

I really loved that girl

Emotional ups and down seem to be a part of the grieving process for me at the moment - I think you just have to go through them to come out the other side.  I feel like I'm going through change at the moment and feel unsettled - lots of watershed events to face.

People say 'Remember that no matter how much pain you may feel, you will survive your loss'. I believe this is true and feel that a new, better Tim will emerge from all this sadness, pain and loneliness.  A Tim that carries a part of Christine with him and that his her lasting gift to me.   

I never wrote a lot when Christine was here now I write all the time, on the blog and in a private journal.  Poetry used to perplex me now I seem to get it - thank you Christine.

A week in Wales

Just come back from a very enjoyable week in Wales.  It's a wonderful area to take a break in, mountains, sandy beaches and pretty villages.  The cottage wasn't exactly as described on the website - we didn't really think we'd be spending a week using a kitchen that was shabby but without the chic, a bit grubby, tired looking and not quite 2014.

On top of this the TV wasn't working, the generator conked out twice, the log store was locked and we had a three mile drive from civilisation along an unmade track through dense wood to Hansel and Gretel's cottage in no mans land (luckily we didn't see the 'resident mouse' in the kitchen!

We did have great time and we were able to laugh off the problems and see the funny side to it.

We did a little walking but both Richard and myself had sore feet - ah well.

Keep on trucking.

I had a lovely day yesterday - but this morning I was desperately sad.  It's passed now and I'm OK. The sadness just overwhelms you and comes out of the blue - reminding you just how long you haven't seen that person, heard their voice, laughed with them, held their hand. You think about what they are missing - the sun shining on a beautiful Autumn morning, family get togethers, meeting with friends - the things we all take for granted.

Christine used to say 'you know Tim he wears his heart on his sleeve' which is probably true.  People have asked me 'why do you keep a blog?' For me it helps - people who care for me know how I'm feeling because sometimes you just can't say it.  I know I'm doing well and making progress and positive decisions. I constantly remind myself what Chris said me when she knew she was dying "I want you find happiness, don't grieve for ever for me" and "You'll be OK".

If she was here she'd say "keep on truckin" and "I love you"

H and K

Christine's old school friend Bron (and Ade) came down for the day which was really great. We had Cottage Pie followed by more of Christine's blackberries - I took the picture when we picked them in 2012.  Bron planted some blue dwarf Irises in the church yard around Christine's resting place which should bloom next spring and look wonderful.  A lovely day.  Treasure the Pixie boots.